May 11, 2011 § Leave a comment
May 3, 2011 § 1 Comment
So, what the US has been trying to accomplish for 9 years has finally happened: the ‘mastermind’ behind 9/11 and numerous other terrorist attacks has been killed. People are cheering, celebrating, delighting in his death. Really?
While I in no way condone the actions that he did or the acts he committed, and am deeply aggreived by the thousands of deaths that have resulted from his work with al-Qaeda, I find it frankly disgusting that people are celebrating his death. Death isn’t something you celebrate. I don’t care how awful a person acts or how many people they harm, they’re still a human. Give some dignity. Do we really want to lower ourselves to their level? Do we want to delight in death the way they might do? If we do, doesn’t that make us no better than them?
I have held this quote close to my heart for about 15 years, because it sums up what I believe pretty perfectly:
In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can’t build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery and death.
April 29, 2011 § Leave a comment
since, ya know, i’m going to work for the government and all, they’ll eventually come looking for every one of my ridiculous nuances. or, more likely, some creepy identity thief will come across this and i’ll have to forge a new identity. that’d be kinda cool though…anyway, i’m bored. yay, myspace survey circa 10th grade!
Part 1: The Basics
1. What is your full name? Alexandra Kaitlyn Smith
2. Where and when were you born? January 1989, in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
3. Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.) Kate and Kevin. My mom, Kate, is creative, strong, and loving, and makes jewelry in addition to being a registrar for Herzing College. My pops, Kevin, is a former Navy jack-of-all-trades, with a chunk of years as a civilian arc welder and steel fitter before being declared a legally disabled veteran a few years ago.
4. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? I have an older brother, Peter. He’s my polar opposite, basically. He’s probably second in line of all the people in the world I trust the most. We don’t get along all the time, but I have to be careful how I fight with him now, because he’s training to be a police officer.
5. Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. I live with my mommy!!! Like a cool 20-something in this recession. And because FREE is the best rent price I could find. It’s a ramshackle old house on the corner of a state highway and a dead end road, and kind of looks like it might fall over if you poke it. But it doesn’t. (I tried).
6. What is your occupation? I am currently a CERTIFIED pharmacy technician (yea, that certification took about a million hours and a boring, long test to get, so hellz yea I’m going to make sure you know. 😛 Anyway, being a CERTIFIED pharmacy technician is somewhat like being a whipping boy, mediator, mule, maid, and professional organizer all in one. Plus, you have to know how to count by 3’s and 5’s. It’s a pretty decent gig, but I don’t want to do it forever, so I’m also a full time student hoping to get a job in the Foreign Service (preferrably at an embassy somewhere overseas).
7. Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks. Oh lawdy. I’m short (5’3″), “curvy”, pale like a ghost because I do not like daytime. Or skin cancer. My hair’s red-brown and my eyes go back and forth between grey and green depending on the weather forecast (seriously, it’s cool- if it’s going to rain or snow, they turn green. If the temperature is about to drop or rise a lot, they turn grey. The rest of the time they’re just all pupil. I have huge pupils. It’s like I’m perpetually high but without the drugs). I dress like a college student (read: jeans, old sneakers, t-shirts proclaiming something about my school, hoodies, and occasionally flip flops if it gets above 50 during the school year. Ha.) except for work, where I wear my pj’s, uh, I mean scrubs. NINJA SCRUBS!I’ve got a lot of piercings and a lot of scars, a tattoo and a mole that every doctor gets concerned about but that I’ve had since, literally, the day I was born.
8. To which social class do you belong? Human? Is that a class? I guess working class. Blue collar. Ish. Not middle class but not poor. Does this make sense to anyone but me?
9. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? I’m allergic to a few classes of antibiotics and latex, as well as spring, summer, fall, and sunlight. And I’ve got pulmonary hypertension, if you consider that a ‘weakness’; it just means my heart and lungs don’t like working together. It’s like the left side of my heart is Palestine and the right is Israel, and if you’ve been paying any attention for any part of the last, oh, say, sixty or seventy years, you can figure out the rest from there.
10. Are you right- or left-handed? Right!
11. What does your voice sound like? I don’t know, I can’t really hear my own voice? Probably squeaky or manlike. I can’t decide.
12. What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? “Wicked!”, “Rock on”, “oh hellz naw”, “Jayzuz, Mary und Yosef”, “Push the freaking button and I’ll donkey kong your ass”, and “bueno”.
13. What do you have in your pockets? A flash drive…cherry chapstick…four or five pens (it’s an addiction, I swear. I have office supply OCD). Cash! Wow, I never have cash…Change for the vending machines/copy machines (I know, I’m so not green)…my CrackBerry…and a 4 month old movie ticket? What the? I know I’ve washed these jeans since Christmas!
14. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? I tap my foot/jiggle my leg pretty much any time I have to sit, I click pens constantly, I tend to be an accidental pen klepto, and I have no switch between my brain and my mouth. Whoops.
Part 2: Growing Up
15. How would you describe your childhood in general? Normal? I dunno. I read a lot. All the time. Literally, I’d check out and read about 20 library books a week. I was a nerd/know it all in elementary school. I had a best friend. Still do, actually. Same one, even. I went to school. I had parents and I tried to play sports with my brother and his friends but never really got to be part of the Kewl Kidz Jock Klub. Stupid Klub. And! I loved NSYNC. No BSB here, oh heck naw!
16. What is your earliest memory? I think it’s of my parents having a fight. Ha.
17. How much schooling have you had? Oh geez….on record, 18 years, but not including learning I’ve done on my own. I guess that ain’t schoolin’ though.
18. Did you enjoy school? Usually. Except the other kids. Cuz I was the outcast. Ya know, That Kid.
19. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? Myself
20. While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. Not so much. Connie Chung. Linda Ellerbee.
21. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? Que fantastico! Except my brother. We fought like angry wildebeasts. Or something.
22. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? A marine biologist.
23. As a child, what were your favorite activities? Reading, playing Little House (hahahaha), playing “school”, more reading, etc. I am knowledge sponge. SATURATE ME! Wait, that sounds…ew.
24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? I was a hermit and social outcast. Seriously. I was a smartaleck (or smartAlex if you prefer), the kid that asks a lot of questions (I guess this personality trait is “inquisitiveness”. Is that even a word? Well, now it is.), and shy as all hell.
25. As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? Ha. More like the polar opposite. My best friend was Lynn, for always, and then we had a rotating group that we played with at recess.Lynn is, like Petey, my polar opposite. Other than loving reading, we had NOTHING in common. She was quiet and meek in the event of confrontation,while I was an angry lion if anyone dared mess with mi familia. She was Catholic, I was Lutheran. Which means nothing here, but if we were in Ireland! Yea, anyway, we were in Wisconsin. So, moving along. She wouldn’t dare break a rule and had strict parents, I hated rules and my parents let me do what I want, within reason, and with some boundaries. Like, no burning down houses or killing raccoons or cooking meth in my Junior Chemist lab set. I was angry as hell, and she was sweet. So yea. We’re like yin and yang. That’s why this affair has held up so well for so long ha.
26. When and with whom was your first kiss? Eli, I was…14? 13? Ish.
27. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? Wow, this question jumps right to the point doesn’t it? Well, no to the first question, and to the second, well, that’s for me and that person to know and you to speculate on. Or not think about. Preferably the latter.
28. If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. Seeing bad stuff happen made me want to make good things happen. That pretty much explains what I do now. Except for being a pharmacy tech. That’s just because I’m a CAPITALIST PIG and need money for things like, ya know, food and shelter and school. And stuff.
Part 3: Past Influences
29. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? Oh goodness gracious y’all. Just one? Probably getting my driver’s license. 😉
30. Who has had the most influence on you? Eh. My dad, Petey, Lynn, Jeremiah, my Gram.
31. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Surviving this long?
32. What is your greatest regret? Most of 2005 and 2008 lol
33. What is the most evil thing you have ever done? I totally told this guy my friend liked that she liked him, and omg she got so mad! LOL j/k. I eat puppies. That’s kinda evil, right?
34. Do you have a criminal record of any kind? Not that I am aware of. Unless you count mouthing off to an officer who pulled me over at 2 am FOR NO REASON. (I was going the speed limit! I had all of my lights and stuff on! I wasn’t drinking or shooting up or toking! I signaled all of my turns and stopped for all of the stop signs and lights! I fully maintain that I was within my rights to mouth off to him).
35. When was the time you were the most frightened? The months when I had to apply to and choose between UWM and Alverno. UWM gave me panic attacks. Weird, but whatev.
36. What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? What’s not? I am the queen of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, swearing in front of old ladies and little children, falling on my arse, tripping over invisible cords on the floor. Although, dropping two microwaves off of a cart in front of 200+ debaters in 10th grade was pretty epic.
37. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? There are a few people I wouldn’t have dated, because I would have saved SO MUCH time.
38. What is your best memory? Being in love.
39. What is your worst memory? Being stuck in my head.
Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions
40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? Realistic. Idealistic. Meh.
41. What is your greatest fear? Not leaving my mark on the world before I go.
42. What are your religious views? I believe in a god/supreme being…I was raised in a medley of Lutheran, Wiccan, and agnosticism, but now I don’t really have a religious “belief system”. I pray to “God” because that’s how I see the supreme being, probably just from lifelong conditioning. I don’t necessarily believe in a savior. I don’t believe in hell. I believe all people are good, somewhere inside, even if they do evil things. I love being inside Catholic churches, especially European cathedrals. Though the chapel on Alverno’s campus works too. But I don’t have a religion. If I tried to name it, it’d probably be closest to Humanistic Judaism or Unitarian Universalism.
43. What are your political views? Hahaha. Well. I believe in the Constitution, and the things that this country was founded on. I believe in social liberalism and fiscal responsibility, honesty and integrity, and true Democracy. Make of that what you will.
44. What are your views on sex? If you’re responsible about it, knock yourself out. Birth control available to everyone in or post puberty. For myself, it’s a solely-in-monogamous-long-term-relationship thing, and even then I require a clean STD test haha.
45. Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable orunacceptable? I don’t know, and I hope to God I never have to find out. And I can’t even begin to answer the second question.
46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? Torture.
47. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? Yes. Very much so.
48. What do you believe makes a successful life? Being happy doing what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with.
49. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? Generally, you can tell by my face what my feelings are, and for the most part I don’t hide my thoughts, but I do use discretion. Or at least I try to.
50. Do you have any biases or prejudices? Of course. Who doesn’t? Realistically anyway.
51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? Sacrifice my beliefs and values. Why? Because if you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything. And because integrity is important, and I will not compromise my own.
52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? Mi familia. My country. Random strangers, possibly. I have a bit of disregard for my own life/safety. But definitely mi familia and my country.
Part 5: Relationships With Others
53. In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? I try to be nice. I really do. But I tend to not like new people until I get to know them, at which point I generally get along great and treat them well. And sometimes, you just gotta be a bitch to certain people because seriously? How else are they going to learn that THEY SUCK. (Just kidding)(Kind of)(Not really).
54. Who is the most important person in your life, and why? I can’t pick just one. My mom, my Petey, and my two best friends. There is no choosing between them.
55. Who is the person you respect the most, and why? Probably a toss up between two of the pharmacists I work for, Andy and Saroja. Andy is an all-around awesome person who will go to huge lengths to help people, never loses his temper or even gets angry (that I can tell), treats everyone (even the crazy oxycodone people) respectfully, and lets me tease him relentlessly. Saroja is a million times more patient, conscientious, and smart than I can ever hope to be, and I respect how she always treats our patients kindly, even when they’re rude. That’s being the better person right there, that is.
56. Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people. My friends are an odd array of strays and people who I have many many classes with, people I work with, people I met at Aurora (lolz), people I went to high school with, and a whole bunch of people I am somehow friends with though I have no idea where we met or …anything else about them. I am lucky enough to have two best friends. Lynn, who has been my steadfast pillar for 16 years, is adventurous, sweet, awkward, a de facto leader, and my singing partner (but only if it’s while driving with all of the windows open…). This is the girl I’ll probably grow old with, who will be my best friend through men and jobs and relocations and tragedies and triumphs and our respective driving skillz. There’s a reason I don’t call her my ‘best friend’: she’s my sister. Soul sistah!
If Lynn is my soul sister, Jeremiah is without a doubt my soulmate (friend or otherwise). He’s brave, strong, sarcastic, a total sweetheart (but don’t tell him I said that), a Marine, and a truly good human being. We’ve been orbiting each other for years, and even through long periods of not being in contact, we always come back to one another. He’s the only person in the world that can pull my out of one of my extreme moods and have me smiling within fifteen minutes. And he loves me exactly as I am, even when I change…he rolls with it. If Binz is my pillar, Jer (don’t tell him I called him that) is my rock, my magnet, and my missing puzzle piece. Even if he is a jerkface. 😛
57. Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person. Nicht!
58. Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened. Yes. …we talked, and talked and talked, and got to know each other almost as well as we knew each other…we fell in love. we talked until 3am, and wrote letters (yes, snailmail!), and …well……i don’t know how love works. but it happened. it just happened.
59. What do you look for in a potential lover? A potential partner you mean? Humor, dedication, similar financial views, the desire for a family, and a kind heart.
60. How close are you to your family? My mom and brother, tight. The rest of my family is spread out over about…8 states and at least a few countries. And Canada. Which is really just an attic. So we don’t really have the chance to be close.
61. Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not? No, not yet. I want to have, you know, a non-minimum wage job, stable career preferably, decent health insurance, a home, a few adventures under my belt, and, ya know…a babydaddy.
62. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? Peter or Jeremiah.
63. Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? Peter, because he’s big and strong and loves his only little sister and, ya know, is law enforcement. My mom, because have you ever seen a pissed off mama lion? That’s mi madre. Jeremiah, because he’s a Marine and he loves me. Lynn, because we are twins and I know I would do the same for her in a heartbeat.
64. If you died or went missing, who would miss you? Probably the people at work first….LOL
65. Who is the person you despise the most, and why? Thein Sein :-). But really, I try not to despise…Hate breeds hate, and lord knows the world has enough of that.
66. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? What time of the month is it? lol. I am the peacekeeper in many situations, but when I lose my temper….holy cow. I can argue like…well, like a redheaded Irishwoman.
67. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? Pretty much always. Someone’s gotta do it, and no one else ever seems to.
68. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? Depends. Sometimes huge crowds make me nervous. Usually, I only dislike it if I am alone. If I go to an event with many people with another person, I tend to enjoy it much more. And speaking in front of large groups of people doesn’t really faze me.
69. Do you care what others think of you? Honestly, doesn’t everyone?
Part 6: Likes And Dislikes
70. What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? Doodling, research, gardening, blogging.
71. What is your most treasured possession? Don’t have one.
72. What is your favorite color? Purple
73. What is your favorite food? Watermelon or ice cream
74. What, if anything, do you like to read? Most anything. Magazines, non fiction, fiction, textbooks…as long as it’s a subject I have some interest in.
75. What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? Lawdy. I like movies, theatre, galleries and museums, that sort of thing.
76. Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? No, no, and only prescription ones. Because I need them to survive. Don’t really want to quit cuz I like my heart working and my head on straight.
77. How do you spend a typical Saturday night? Since Saturdays are usually a closing day for me at work, I tend to end up doing homework or watching tv I DVR’d during the week.
78. What makes you laugh? Just about anything.
79. What, if anything, shocks or offends you? Blatant lack of manners. Not shocking, but offensive. And blind hatred. Again, not shocking but seriously? Get over yourselves already.
80. What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself? Surveys like this one? Online quizzes? Watch National Geographic TV? Read celeb gossip magazines? I dunno, I’m a night owl and rarely have trouble falling asleep (knock on wood), so never really thought about it.
81. How do you deal with stress? Venting, often. Sleep. Make lists.
82. Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? I like having a rough idea of what’s going to happen with no defined schedule.
83. What are your pet peeves? Ignorance, arrogance, lack of manners, and the degradation of the quality of people in our society.
Part 7: Self Images And Etc.
84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted? Typical day? What’s that?
Well, work day: roll out of bed, insert self in scrubs, put shoes on feet, find hair elastic and bobby pin so i don’t have to fight with my hair all day, roll down stairs, board my automobile, drive like a bat out of hell to the ‘greens, drive crazily through the lot, park dangerously close to my coworker Bobbi, make nice with the bosses, chatter, punch in, work, take a break that involves my head hitting a wall repeatedly, work, count monies, punch out, repeat automobile actions but the other way, play tetris trying to get my car in the garage at the best angle, get barked at by my dogs because they think i’m a robber/murderer/crazy person (only the last is true), remove self from scrubs, take shower, put on non-scrub comfy clothes (basically same thing, different color), study, cook (ok, microwave usually) dinner, homework, pass out cold.
School day: roll out of bed, insert self into jeans and weather appropriate shirt, put shoes on feet, find hair elastic and bobby pin so i don’t have to fight with my hair all day, board automobile, drive like a pissed off bat out of hell through either snow or ridiculous amounts of road construction, spend 45 minutes trying to find a parking space, park (see tetris, above), scuttle through the halls and up the stairs trying to avoid administrators, enter class, be exuberant and obnoxious, attempt to learn, annoy at least one person, class ends, seat self at computer station and prepare to spend 10+ hours there, take occasional twizzlers or hummus breaks, drive home while stealthily avoiding cars of the police persuasion, garage tetris, crazy dogs, pajamas, header into mattress.
Disrupt my routine, I kill you. I KILL YOU! (jk-I ❤ achmed the dead terrorist). Please, disrupt! ROUTINE…SO… BORING……*heelp*
85. What is your greatest strength as a person? Integrity.
86. What is your greatest weakness? Never knowing when to let go.
87. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I’d have a longer attention span. Can’t be hard to do, I mean, how big is the attention span of a baby gnat? Gotta be easy to beat that.
88. Are you generally introverted or extroverted? Extroverted whilst in my element, introverted in new habitats.
89. Are you generally organized or messy? Hey, I know where my stuff is, so what if it looks like a hurricane just came through?
90. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. Goo
Research, problem solving, diffusing tense situations (except at the pharmacy, for some reason).
Keeping a lid on my temper and/or hyperactivity, meeting people the first time, walking in straight lines.
91. Do you like yourself? Most days.
92. What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…) Cuz I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING AND SEE EVERYTHING AND SAVE THE WORLD DAMNIT. And cuz I wanna prove people wrong.
93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? Visiting every continent. If possible, every country. But I’d settle for continent.
94. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Hopefully being a diplomat overseas, hopefully married or engaged to that special someone, hopefully making a difference. I’d also accept being in the Peace Corps or some other humanitarian mission instead of being a diplomat.
95. If you could choose, how would you want to die? Ziplining into a cliff face in the jungle.
96. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. Fly to Japan to hug Jer, dance in the rain, sing in the car with all of the windows down. (besides the cursory telling my mommy i love her and attacking my dogs with snuggles).
97. What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? Making a difference in the world. Doing something great.
98. What three words best describe your personality? Loud, attention-deficit, and humourous.
99. What three words would others probably use to describe you? Loud, hyperactive, annoying
100. If you could, what advice would you, the protagonist give to your antagonist? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice…) Dude, don’t even start. You shan’t win! Shan’t, I declare!
April 21, 2011 § Leave a comment
my wisdom teeth are killing me, not so much the fact that they are coming in but that they are causing my other molars to cut up my inner cheeks and tongue. this, combined with the fact that i am a walking stress ball and even in my sleep my jaw is always clenched, and allergies impacting the sinus cavity, and you end up with a massive headache that kills any brain cells i had left after all that binge drinking and snorting coke and shooting up (kidding. really, joke). (but not about the brain cells. they’re still not functioning)(or the headache. it really is godawful).
it probably doesn’t help that i’ve been watching bad daytime television.
hmm. but anyway. i am very stupid but i wanted to keep up my goal of at least three or four entries in here a week so i guess i’d rather post about my magicmouthwash-requiring-headache than neglect this blog and risk failing at something that, compared to most of the stuff on my plate right now, is actually pretty pleasant and not stressful. mostly, i want to keep an archive of these years, because the more i read other blogs, the more i realize that it’s such an archive of life, so much of which i know i’ll forget, and i want to start chronicling this journey now, before i miss anymore.
so, a new entry soon, with real thoughts that are semi-coherent.
April 18, 2011 § Leave a comment
totally tons of fun, it is. arabic has an alphabet that you can roughly relate to english, but the grammar is whack. mandarin has characters that tend to blur together after a few minutes, but man the grammar is easy. no verb tenses, no complex modifiers or pluralization… the stuff of dreams, my friends.
currently listening to: ‘hands held high’ by linkin park. this song keeps me going on the long haul to one day serving my country. i want so much to make a difference, and when it seems hopeless, this song puts the fight back in me.
currently daydreaming: of passing the fsot, oral boards, checks, and finally being a diplomat. of not feeling tired as heck. of best friends being best friends instead of big drama.
currently glad about: not being a chem major anymore. <3international relations<3 i want to move to the middle east soon, dangit! 😛